Love is Such a Reckless Thing.

I wish you could just love and never be fearful of hurt. It would be so great. To love, and not experience heartbreak.

Love has such a heavy exchange. In order to deeply love someone, there needs to be the exchange, a piece of the human heart. And in the exchange, there is a risk of heartache.

I don't think heartache can be limited to a boyfriend, but rather any person in general.

Love is the biggest risk taker in my life. There is this part in me to simply not love deeply at all. I want to have shallow relationships, that come and go, with no risk involved. It would be so simple, yet so lonely.

Then there is this part of my heart that wants to love so deeply and selflessly. I want to love a person regardless of how they react, treat or acknowledge me. This kind of love is unrelenting.

I wish I could say I act out in the latter more than the previous. However, the fear of a broken heart holds me back. It creates this self-preservation. I want to preserve rather than give anything away. I would rather save myself, than show love to another. How grosse, yet honest. 

C.S. Lewis puts it so much better,
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

I think currently I am going through the process of  loving deeply.
No matter how I feel, I will love.
I will love enough to forgive.
I will love enough to selflessly serve.
I will love no matter how I feel.

I know Jesus is teaching me. He is teaching me to be like Him. Nothing could be any sweeter yet refining.

1 Corinthians 13:13
"And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."

love,
jocelyn elizabeth