Tip #3- The List

All single woman have them, whether in their mind or on a piece of paper. We all have a list of characteristics we want in our future husbands.

I started mine when I was 14 years old. Over the years, the list had grown over to 40 items. I think whenever I saw an attractive male, I would write down a characteristic. My list had grew into an image of Jesus Christ and Brad Pitt with a foreign accent.

My list contained characteristics such as:
-hot british accent
-wore boxers instead of briefs
-good cook
-played a musical instrument
(and we will stop there, before I embarrass myself any farther)

However, growing up, I was taught to keep my standards high. I deserved the best. I deserved a man that was glowing every minute of the day with the Holy Spirit. I deserved a man who was not flesh, but immortal and perfect beyond imagination.

When I reached my 20's and entered into my first serious relationship, I realized my list was unrealistic. If I kept comparing every man to the standards of my list, I would find no one. And my singlehood would turn into marriagelesshood.

Now, don't get me wrong. We, as woman, do deserve the BEST. We deserve God's best for our lives. However, I think we get consumed with our lists and what we want, instead of what God wants for us. We ride guys off because they don't have a british accent or wear boxers instead of briefs ( i know this is an extreme example but sometimes we have extreme tendencies).

Recently, I have been reading a book called, Lady in Waiting: Becoming God's Best While Waiting for Mr. Right. In one of the chapters, she talks about the characteristics that we, as single woman, should be looking for in a future mate. After, I read this chapter, I scratched my list over the past 10 years I had been creating, and wrote a new list. Here are the characteristics:

1. Puts the needs of others ahead of his own: "This man accepts people just the way they are, loving others even when his love is not returned."
2. Maintains proper relationships: "He has the strength to back off from a fight. He will not hold a grudge"
3. Refuses to jump ahead of God's timing: "He chooses against impulsiveness so he may be in the exact center or God's will."
4. Seeks to meet the practical needs of others: "He is not so self-absorbed that he cannot make time for the needy."
5. Stands for what is right: "He is known as a man of integrity by those with whom he works."
6. Follows through on his God-given responsibilities: "This man is dependable and stays with even a difficult task until it is completed. 
7. Understands the importance of feelings and emotions: "A gentle man is the best of both; he takes the initiative to lead but tempers it with gentle responses toward the other's feelings."
8. Flees temptations to compromise: "This man refuses to be in situations that are sensual, immoral, or impure."

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Now, I understand there are still specifics that we prefer. Some things that I added to this list are:
-a man called to ministry
-good family
-love for children
-loves blondes :)


God has put specific desires in our heart for our future mate, but lets be careful that we do not get aesthetically driven. We need to look for the majors instead of the minors.

So, go back to the drawing board with your list. It's okay to do some editing, especially if your list is over 40 items. :)

love,
jocelyn elizabeth

Tip #2: Marriage isn't the Finish Line.

If you ever grew up watching Disney movies, you understand that every fairy tale ended in finding "prince charming."
Life, in the movie, reached it's full potential when "prince charming" arrived.

So, growing up, I always believed my life would reach its epiphany when I met my "prince charming." I think I even believed this until I was 21 years old.
My whole life, I dreamed of meeting him.
I dreamed of him when girls were mean in middle school.
I dreamed of him when I turned down slimy guys in high school.
I dreamed of him when my life was falling around me, and I needed a rescue.

I always thought that marriage would be my finish line to this life. It would be the happy ending to all this chaos in life.

But my mindset started to change over these past three years. I realized that marriage wasn't the finish line to life. I started to see my friends get married. And their weddings were amazing, but they were still in the same body and place the day before they got married. They still dealt with friend issues, insecurities, fears, and all of life's other troubles.

The "prince charming" didn't make the problems go away.
"Prince Charming" didn't get rid of your weight problems.
"Prince Charming" didn't change how popular you are.
"Prince Charming" didn't solve your issues at work.

I think that as single women, we can tend to experience loneliness. And in this loneliness, we want a savior. We want to be saved from the pain in our hearts during this season. So, we look to marriage for our hope. We even look to planning our wedding day, as our outlet to this life.

However, I want to tell you that if you look to marriage for your finish line, you will be disappointed. Once you cross the wedding day, you will look for another finish line. The next finish line will be babies or a better job or a bigger house.

And through looking for the next finish line, you will miss the beauty alongside of this race in life. You will miss the small things that God shines through in the everyday.

Now, I do not want to down play the beauty and holiness that marriage is. Marriage is one of the greatest joys in life. However, it will never save you from the problems in life.

So here is my advice:
1. Re-evaluate your views on marriage:  Do you want to be married in order to escape the awkward moments of life such as attending a wedding by yourself, being the third wheel, or wanting a hand to hold? Marriage encompasses a deeper commitment than wanting a "day to day" companion to ward off the loneliness.

2. Contentment with Today: Try to find contentment in today's joys. Learning to find the daily joys in life will help you not only in this season of singleness, but will teach you to appreciate the small moments down the road.

3. Lean on Jesus: Jesus is your Savior. He will be the Comforter you always wanted, the faithfulness you never had, and the strength you need to go on. Read the Word. You will learn the true character of God when you read the Word of God daily.

Isaiah 46:4

Even to your old age and gray hairs
   I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
   I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

In closing, if you sign onto facebook and see that another person is now engaged, don't fret.
They aren't running this race faster than you.
They aren't beating you to the epiphany of life.
They didn't reach heaven.
They are just going to be married.

And you will too.
In His timing.
And it will be more than you dreamed of because you learned long before, marriage isn't the finish line.


love,
jocelyn elizabeth

Tip #2: Crock Pot vs. Deep Fryer

I don't have a lot of experience in the cooking field (if i should be completely honest on this blog). However, I do know the difference between a crock pot and a deep fryer.


For those of you who are also naive to the crock pot and deep fryer, I will give a break down.

Crock Pot: A crock pot is a cooking utensil which you add all your ingredients for the meal, such as meat, vegetables, and etc. Then, you plug the machine into the electric outlet. This must happen early in the morning because the crock pot will slowly cook the food. It takes all day long. So when you return from work, your house smells extremely delicious and your dinner is ready. You do not have to stand around and watch the crockpot cook the food. There is freedom in using a crockpot. You put everything in there and then walk away. And it cooks it for you.

Deep Fryer: This cooking machine is the most popular utensil in America. Go to a state fair, and you will smell it, see it, and most likely taste it. You can deep fry twinkies, pickles, candy bars, french fries, and most likely anything else with trans fats. A deep fryer is a large pot with scolding hot oil. You drop the food item and it cooks within a matter of minutes. Once you take the food item out, it looks delicious. However, an hour after eating your deep fried snickers, you will probably feel very sick, or your jeans will feel tighter. With the deep fryer, it is quick, convenient, but can be very dangerous. It heats up fast and cooks fast. And, the substance that it produces is unhealthy and harmful to your health.

Now, you may be wondering, how does this refer to being single???? I am glad you asked.

When you are single, sometimes you can become so hungry for a relationship that you revert to a deep fryer romance. You want it to happen fast and instantaneous. You go from saying "hi" to texting in the late hours of the night. Then you want it to happen faster, so you start to talk about marriage and engagement within the first month of dating. Your physical relationship has been lacking, since you have been single. So you want that to cook up fast. There is no time to waste. However, with a quick, unwise rush of romance, there can also be a quick fall back to reality.

However, I think, as single women, we need to be wise in our eagerness for a relationship. We need to take the course of the crockpot romance. If we see a man expressing interest, don't allow your heart to grab for the deep fried instanteous romance; quick, fast and satisfying. Allow the romance to slowly cook. Let him initiate. Don't be frustrated with it not going from a "hello" to getting your number right away. Let him lead. And if he starts leading into the deep fryer romance, maybe you need to recheck on what kind of relationship you want; instantaneous or substantial?

If you start to doubt and wonder how much longer God is going to take in bringing you a substantial love life, walk away. Quit staring at the crock pot. The crockpot can't be rushed. It will cook on its own timing. Allow God to have control over your love life. And in the end, you will not be disappointed..

Letting God have complete control over your desires and dreams for a relationship will bring full satisfaction. It will be the dinner you have been waiting for.

Hebrews 11:1
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."

Have faith that God already has all the ingredients prepared for your future relationship. It's in the crockpot.

love,
jocelyn elizabeth

Tip #1: Bitterness "Always the Bridesmaid, Never the Bride"

In my life right now, I get the question often "how many weddings have you been a bridesmaid in?"
When my response is, "Oh well I have been a bridesmaid six times..." The gasp and referral to 27 dresses makes it a little more entertaining.

I never thought I would be a bridesmaid so many times in my life and every single wedding I have been in, I have been single. No date. Just me and my awesome bouquet.

As the number starts to climb of the ratio of my married friends to my single friends, I feel the panic come too.

Will I ever get married?
Will I be the woman with cats?
Will I be the aunt with no kids but has a closet of bridesmaid dresses to prove?

Sure, these are all valid reasons to panic when another best friend gets engaged. However, I have two choices to make.

1) I can be bitter and unhappy with being alone. I can be bitter at God for not bringing him along. I can be bitter at the fact, I will be wearing purple instead of white.

2) I can be happy for my friend and be joyful as though it is my own wedding.

I would encourage all the single ladies to embrace option #2.
Nothing is more sweeter in life, than being overwhelmingly excited the morning of your friend's wedding. It will bring joy to your life in sharing the joy in others.

Bitterness will only cause you to resent your life. It will cause your passion for life to dry up. If satisfaction does not come in your everyday life now, it will not come when you are married.

I feel unbelievably blessed to have had so many opportunities to see the dearest friends experience one of the best days of their life. I feel blessed that they would consider me so dear to be on their "team" for this monumental day.

So tip #1, when you get the screaming, hysterical, crying call that your bestie from highschool is engaged to the most amazing Ryan Renolds look alike, scream with her.
Jump up and down for her.
Cry with her.
Because her joy will bring joy to your life.

Proverbs 27:9

"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
   and the pleasantness of a friend
   springs from their heartfelt advice." 

love,

jocelyn elizabeth

Single.

As you can tell, the name of my blog has changed.

I realized, as I am living this single life, that we as women need to be encouraged in being single.

I think as our friends are moving on to the season of relationships, engagement, or marriage, we feel left behind.

We feel sometimes they have reached the finish line before us. 

However, I want to blog about my personal experience in being single, currently, right now.

Absolutly single. 

No pursuers. 

No interests. 

Dry as a desert, people.

Completely single and surviving.

This will not be a blog about venting about the troubles and the poor life of a single woman.

Nope. 

This blog will be about taking advantage of this season as one of the most freeing and positive places in life.

So be prepared for the funny, the raw and the vulnerability about being single in this life.

love,
jocelyn elizabeth

I just had to make this photo. i feel like it oozes my confidence in my singleness.